Acting

Do you feel like you have to control how you act and respond to others , to uphold a certain  reputation / impression?

I've always felt that people around me would scrutinize my every move. Being aware of that, I became very conscious of how I act in front of people, especially those who I do not know too well. I feel very restricted in a way, which probably is the reason why I've been so upset ever since I came to Uni.

Previously I thought that it was because of the people and environment in uni that upsets me, but then again I don't think it's that simple. Somehow it's not like I am consciously controlling my actions, it's more like acting less like myself. I didn't even notice it until I hung out with my close friends and that was when I could actually notice the difference.

I'm usually a very expressive person, I can't stand it when I don't speak my mind. But for some reason, I'm not doing that in uni. I have something at the tip of my tongue, and yet I did not mutter a word.

To be honest, I have no idea what kind of reputation I am trying to build. Perhaps I'm just trying not to leave a bad impression to others in general. But this is so tiring and I'm so fed up. After giving it some thought, I don't think there's any reason to change or restrict myself just so that it 'fits people's judgement'. I don't want to be like the people I detest - fake.

Come to think of it, I never once gave any thought of what would people think of me back in high school. Maybe it's because I had my friends around me, and I was really comfortable with them. I miss them, meeting up with them somehow gives me the 'breath of life'.


The unhappiest people in this world, are those who care the most about what other people think.
This phrase caught my attention. so now I guess I'm done holding myself back. I came here to find like-minded people, but if they can't accept my ways, I have no reason to entertain those thoughts either.

Don't overreact

I don't know how should I begin but I think I'll start with a few examples.


Uhhh....I don't..really know you yet so uhmm sorry.

Uhmm, I have a boyfriend, sorry.

But we just met each other and all

Those are the replies I'd get when I happen to be oh-so-friendly and asks a girl out. The thing that bugs me is how suspicious they can be where else at the other end the guy is just trying to ask them to hang out.

I recalled when I came across this movie which had a decent score on IMDB and just had to watch it. I called out a girl whom I'd just recently met and was amazed by how she turned me down. A lot of you are going to be like 'duh obviously she'd say no' but frankly I don't see a problem with going out for a movie. It ISN'T a date, purpose is not to woo you whatsoever. It's just to have a good time watching a good movie together.

Just like how you would go out for a meal with another person, who goes out alone to eat anyways? Back to the point, whatever the occasion or the activity is, all we're trying to do at the end of the day is to have a good time.


" I don't really know you "

Do I look like a rapist? If I do you better tell me so I can get that fixed. I blame all the rapist in the world for giving us guys a bad image which makes people assume that we're up to something when we ask a girl out. There's no hidden agenda behind " Hey let's go grab a bite "

You just made it sound like: " yea you gonna get some tonight "

And when I hear this I've always held back from answering :" You don't know me? Then come out and know me. "



How do you expect to know a person without meeting them in person. Don't tell me you're going to know the person thoroughly by Facebook chatting? I don't think so. Some people would beg to differ but hey I'm entitled to my own opinion.

I appreciate the fact that you're being honest with me but on the other hand I do not like it when you cast suspicion over me. I guess girl's can't be blamed for some of them have suffered the consequences of meeting men with ill intentions. ( I feel sorry too )

Secondly, I blame Facebook for providing a platform for prejudgement and assumptions.




Scenario 1 : Men with 2 girls

Translation : Player with 2 dumb bitches




Scenario 2 : Girl bearing cleavage

Translation : She's a slut

Pictures were not meant to violate any copyright laws.

I don't believe there wasn't a time when profile stalking scouting has stopped you from befriending, getting closer to a person or even casting suspicion over them. Correct me if that has never been the case.

Pictures alone would've done the damage to the unsuspecting person. Makes me think that once I made it out of medical school, I would have to privatise my page so that my patients would not for whatever reason they may have, lose confidence in me.

So anyway, all I'm saying is that sometimes not every guy out there is trying to knock you up. There are people who genuinely want to be friends with you whether you believe it or not. And of course, there's me lah ( troll :D )

Priorities

I feel like my life now has not turned to the direction I expected it to turn to. In 2011, there were thoughts about how my life would be when I start on my medical degree and I thought things will proceed as I think it would. However, I've never imagined that not planning for a different outcome would be so dreadful.

On the previous posts, I expressed my dissatisfaction about my idling situation. Looks like it just took another plunge.

It took me these 6 months to realise, sometimes things do not happen on its own. You have to pursue something for it to happen. I know I know, everyone probably knew this since they were born. But even so, for it to hit me in the face like this, the feeling is quite indescribable.

It's not as simple as achieving good results or getting a good body as a result of consistent workouts, it's something more abstract like connecting with people, friendships etc.

I feel like these things are very unpredictable. Sometimes it turns out in your favor, and sometimes it just doesn't turn out well. Question is whether the problem is on my end, or is it the others?

For example I've recently cut off connections with someone who I've known for quite some time, it saddens me but I'd rather not be taken for granted again and again.

How does it feel when someone only talks to you when they need your favor, and when you do help them out, you don't hear from them again until the next favor comes in?
Obviously, shitty.

I've ignored 'these doings' ( I've got no word to describe this ) and hoped that things would be better and that person could actually treat me as a proper friend. But recently the same thing repeated itself, and I just can't see myself going through that vicious cycle again. That doesn't fit in too well to my definition of a friend.

I don't know if I was being harsh but it took a lot of guts to actually confront that person. Not knowing whether it was the right thing to do or not, but it made me feel a little bit better, so I guess it was right in some way.

Even so, I still wish I didn't have to do that. Hah, I hate the fact that I can have mixed feeling after deciding on something. Probably solving my indecisiveness has to go in the list of new year resolutions.

No one likes to be taken for granted or taken advantage. And I'm sure for those who did so before, I'm pretty sure you don't like to be taken advantage as well.

So don't do things to others which you would not like to be done to you.

I don't know if this phase would pass soon, but I can only hope for the best. It's not like I enjoy being so pessimistic either (:

With that said, Happy New Year everyone and hope you get to reach the goals you set in this year 2012.