Not making an effort

“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”

Come to think of it, looking back at the time when I was still studying for the final exam. I should have worked harder, or maybe let go of my ego and get some help. In the end, my entry to my dream course was denied just because I lacked 3 percentile from the requirements.

Up till today, the feeling of regret haunts me, every day and night, even before I sleep, I always thought to myself.....

What if?

At first I didn't really mind much about being delayed for another 6 months. But, looking at other people moving on to the next chapter of their life made me felt left behind. I felt like I was stuck in the same phase, not moving forward and hopefully not moving backwards. Moreover, I've never enjoyed this phase to begin with.

The feeling of being neither here nor there is just like standing on the boat without a paddle constantly drifting without knowing where you'd end up. That's how I feel. Although I've sat for the exam again, somehow I still feel uncertain despite the great amount of effort I've put in.

These consequences that I suffered made me realise that we have to set our priorities, and focus on what's more important. It's not high school anymore, we can't always fall back on our parents, we have responsibilities to shoulder. If you were to fail to prioritise, you'd suffer more shit than I did.

Being idle like this has made me irritable to small things.

Nowadays, people don't make an effort to converse nicely or their not fucking bothered at all. The point of a conversation is either to have a good time or get information from one another.

If you don't intend to even talk properly, why bother initiating a conversation in the first place.

I get insanely pissed when I'm the one being eager to converse where else the other party is not bothered at all. I don't get it, I really don't.

Meeting a lot of people has opened my eyes, how they can be so superficial, fake, materialistic etc. Some of them even believe that they are socially superior to you. ( well they can go fuck themselves ) Can I really blame them for behaving that way? Some of them are brought up to embrace that bullshit.

Then again, we live in a materialistic world, it can't be helped.